What a week. It's midnight already. I haven't danced with a prince, but my head feels like a pumpkin. I need to go to sleep. Momentarily. But before I do, I wanted to remind myself to remember some things. I am struggling to stay within my balance. My life sways so easily from high highs to low lows. It has become my mission to find more balance with less swaying. Most days I think I am succeeding. Some days I think I am kidding myself. And others I think I am failing miserably. I am having crazy health problems. They have been going on now for a couple of months. I have tried to stay quiet about it hoping my doctor would figure it out and get rid of it so I never need to discuss it. Instead, I am constantly having to explain why walking up three steps cripples me winded and why when someone wants to show me their new apartment on the second floor, I'm not being lazy when I ask if there is an elevator. There is light. I am seeing a lung specialist tomorrow. He will tell me it is asthma, give me an inhaler and send me on my way. Allergies? Accupuncture? Anything to make me stop feeling like a fish out of water. My friends Shane and Kevin gave me their old entertainment center this week. It takes up most of my living room, but I couldn't love it anymore if I tried. There is something about real quality furniture that still seems precious to me. Eric and Matt were princes for moving it in while I weezed away. I am out of a job soon. Two months? Six months? I don't know. I am looking. But am I looking hard enough? Am I really soaring on faith that the next opportunity will present itself when it is time and that is why I am remaining so calm? Or am I just sticking my head in the sand of denial? 
Tonight I had dinner with my friend Erin. She is the gorgeous blond above and to the left. She just got her real estate license and to the right she is proudly holding her new open house signs. She was my very first friend I made when I moved to Los Angeles ten years ago. Hard for me to remember, but I only knew three people in this entire city. She was the very first person to talk to me and invite me anywhere. Chatting with her isn't just about catching up, it's about feeling my roots. The roots that hold me in the ground so that I can sway and not fall over. August 29, 1996 is the day I moved here. I am at nine years and three hundred and forty days. I'd like to think I am not doing so bad. I am as guilty as everyone else of focusing too much energy on what I don't have instead of appreciating my abundance I now possess compared to all that I came into this world with. My cat is sound asleep next to me. 
She reminds me to be peaceful when she is in this state. She reminds me to be calm and find my balance. She reminds me that in stillness, there is no swaying. Just calm and peace. I'm going to go join her so tomorrow, I will have the strength to sway in whatever winds life blows my way. Wishing you calm and balance wherever you are,
xox
Bob
7 comments:
I know what the health problems are like. I'm currently wearing an event monitor because of sudden racing in my heart. It's a nuisence but what can you do. I'm having issues with being winded as well and yes I have an inhaler and a dx of asthma. It sucks. I hope that your doctors can find your problem.
Wow your losing your job. That really SUCKS. I hope you find something you really like. Don't just take anything to get by, cause then it really makes it a JOB. I know, I'm in one.
It's the weekend Bob, enjoy, relax, party up and have a great one.
It's interesting you use the word 'sway'. I'm reminded of the Aesop's fable of the bending reed. Always bending with the flow or against the wind and rain, always rising straight and tall in days of sun. Remember your roots and pray they hold you fast during the stormy days. Tomorrow, there will be sun. Good luck with the health concerns -- I'll pray for you.
thinking healthy thoughts for you.
big hugs,
s
Hope you find some solution(s) about your health problems. I have mine which I've neglicet (geez, I can't spell that! it defines 'ignore') mine for years! B/c I hate finding a decent and good dentist or doctor. I really want go back to UCLA Medical Center and use one their doctor (I used to have one) but it's about 1 1/2 hour away! :hmph:
Hope you find some solutions to become healthy again! ;)
DB
P.S. How did Lance's reactions about flowers?? DETAILS!!! pwetty please. ;)
hi Bob, you will find your perfect job! The universe abhors a vacuum... Something is removed to make room for more! Always! Change can be uncomfortable, embrace your intention with clarity of intention, results will follow!! I know you already know all this :) I know you work miracles in your life, remember abundance follows gratitude, and i am grateful for the light and love you radiate and express!! There is an infinite source willing to give you everthing you draw to you with your intentions and actions!!!!!!! Open to the love I see expressed on this board.... You are loved! KNOW IT!
Oh yeah the music feature is rockin' me! thanx p.s. have you heard Moloko? I'm sure the vocals from Roisin Murphy are the same woman.
*update* Roisin Murphy was the vocalist for Moloko
Bob, sending good vibes regarding your health. Were your ears ringing Friday night? Hurt my back camping and had to make an appointment with Dr. Schmidt... How time flies. Caught up and did the EHS reminisce with, of course, you in mind = ) Take care of yourself sweetie. xo melyssa
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