They are taking over the world. But I refuse to let them win.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to another invasion of ants in the kitchen. I am beginning to feel like a war vet with all of the flashbacks I have during the day of the countless ant bodies I have killed. The endless lines of corpses that I have had to spray down with cleaning agent and wipe up with a paper towel. The several Ant Bunker's I have flooded. Which by the way, if you think that hosing them out of their holes is mean, don't! They don't drown! Instead they mock me, turn it into the Olympics and perform synchronized swim routines (and I swear, if you put your head close enough, you could hear that it was Lionel Richie's "Say You, Say Me" they were performing to).

I was supposed to leave yesterday morning at 7 for San Diego. By the time I cleaned up yet another attack of the resilient ants, it was 8:00am. Knowing that I would be gone for the weekend, I decided it best to apply some precaution to my kitchen so that I didn't return home Sunday night to find everything in my kitchen removed by the ants (I had a scary vision of them carting Sophie out the door during a copa-cabana-conga-line with Sophie on her back with her legs in the air. You know how drunk she is by the afternoon. She would have just thought she was at a Pearl Jam concert).

So I took the advice from that website I posted yesterday and sprinkled red pepper flakes all over the counter. As I was sprinkling, there were already ants scouting out the area. But, I left them thinking they would hate the pepper flakes and run home to their friends and say, "turn back, he is on to us! Pepper flakes everywhere! We'll never make it!". That thought left my mind when I watched one of the ants walk up to a flake, and throw it on his back. I could hear him laughing at me. I decided I must've read the website wrong and got out the cayenne pepper. I generously sprinkled it everywhere. On the counters. Along the trim. It is a good thing Sophie doesn't climb on the counters.

My kitchen looked like the surface photos of Mars. But I didn't care, because I had faith, that they would get the message and go.

I returned early from San Diego. I think my ants are either Mexican or Italian because they seem to love the spicy food. That is what I deducted when I saw them dancing on my counter top at what appeared to be a mini-rave when I walked in. Again, my head was close enough and I could hear a techno remix of Lionel Richie's "Running With the Night". They were treating the pepper concoction like you would sawdust at a carnival. I couldn't grab the Windex fast enough.

My counter is now a muddy mixture of kitchen cleaner, raving ant bodies, cayenne pepper and red pepper flakes. The scene is grim. My patience is thin. I needed to vent because now I have to clean up the grossest mess to hit my kitchen since the time I made tomato soup in my cuisinart and the lid came off.

I have to go and clean my kitchen now. I will keep you posted on any further ant developments. And please, if you have any ant stories or remedies of your own, all you have to do is click below this post where it says 0 comments. You can submit an anonymous post (just include your name in the box) and you won't have to join the blogger. Help me Obie-won, you are my only hope!