Ants Marching

So apparently my one entry regarding the mosquito eater was not enough for the insect community this week. It turns out the ants have wanted their moment in the spotlight.

I hate ants. I absolutely hate them. They are everywhere in my house right now. It seems to be ant season. They do this to me every summer, and I swear this one is the absolute worst.

On Tuesday night when I came home from work, they were forming a conga line around Sophie's cat food and partying like it was 1999 inside the dish. It was no wonder she wouldn't stop screaming when I got home. They were coming down from the ceiling (your guess is as good as mine, and yes they were walking upside down on the ceiling like a Lionel Richie song), along the wall and all over my kitchen floor. So I got out my kitchen cleaner (because do we ever actually own ant spray? in the bathroom, you use hair spray, in the kitchen, it is counter or window cleaner... generally whatever spraying substance is closest at hand (and don't try to tell me you do it differently)). I had to immerse Sophie's entire dish in the sink full of water to drown their party while I sprayed and sprayed the floor, wall and ceiling. I cleaned my mess and cooked some dinner in my freshly cleaned kitchen. Happened to turn on a rerun of Ellen and I swear to God, she was complaining about an ant problem that she had.

Her story was very similar to mine and the whackiest thing is that she talked about the ants love for the cat food! Her advice (and please feel free to pass this on): place the cat's dishes in pie tins filled with water. BRILLIANT. They can't swim to the food when it is on an isolated island in the middle of a tin!

They can however form a newer and longer line from the same entry point in the ceiling and wrap around the entire perimeter of the kitchen to find the cat food that is now in the trash, soapy, sprayed with cleaner and littered with dead ant bodies. It was the longest black line when I arrived home the following night (Sophie's cat food perfectly ant free, she just has to strain a little to get her face in the middle of the bowl). Again, out came the window cleaner (I am almost out) and the ceiling of my kitchen now has an evenly designed peppered border of any bodies. Oh yes, this is wonderful imagery. I have to actually look at it. Be thankful I haven't taken pics and posted them.

So today is day number three and I was once again cleaning them this morning, because while I was sleeping, guess who was busy at work? Ants, ants, everywhere ants. They are in my shower every morning (where they get sprayed down the drain). I am probably sleeping with them and I don't even know it.

They are a rotten creature. Ellen joked that they are actually just there to help us clean. After a dinner party, "oh, don't worry about the dishes, the ants will take care of it". Real funny, if there wasn't such truth to it.

I have often wondered what Richard Gere does. I know he is not "Ant Free" no matter how good his Buddhist kharma is. But if he believes that by killing any living creature is bad, what does he do when his cat's food is being devoured by ants? Does he relocate them? Does he play Lionel Richie in the front yard and hope that they take their party there?

If I can do anything to help you as I continue to battle the battle (because I am convinced they are trying to take over the world), I am more than happy to help. I have just come across this fantastic website with various alternatives to getting rid of ants... if we ban together, they can not take over our lives!!!

http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/health/ants.html

and on a similar note, I don't think it is an accident that DreamWorks made a movie about annoying creatures (ants) and voiced them with some of Hollywood's most annoying personalities (Sylvester Stallone, Sharon Stone and Woody Allen). The name of the film: ANTS.