In memory of Maggie

Today would've been my friend Maggie's birthday. She was a woman who played a very influential role in my life and especially my childhood. To honor and remember her, I wanted to share the words I read at her service just a couple of years ago...

I would like to take the time to celebrate the life of a woman who felt there was no cause for her own celebration. A woman who thought of herself as a disappointment and a burden when the irony is- that as long as I live, Maggie has been and will always be one of the most important and influential women in my life.

I could not stand before you and speak had it not been for the confidence Maggie gifted to me in my youth.

I could not be living my dreams in Hollywood had Maggie not given me the comfort to cultivate my dreams during my youth.

I wouldn't have the innate sense to see the good in others, had Maggie not seen it in me, while teaching me to find it in others along my journey.

Recently I was watching an episode of Oprah of all things. Her producers had surprised her with a woman whom Oprah had always given credit for helping her believe in herself when she was a child. It was a charity benefit of some sort and the woman was the wife of the Governor. There was no cause for the woman's interaction with Oprah, but she sought out the then seven year old Oprah just to tell her how beautiful she was with her bee stung lips. Lips that Oprah had already learned to hate at seven because to her, they appeared large and swollen. Coupled with Oprah's poor surroundings and not so great family life, Oprah's self-esteem was already in question at seven years old. All until this elegant woman stepped in and selflessly gave Oprah a gift. A gift of feeling beautiful inside as well as out.

Well, I thought, "what a crock"! The episode felt contrived and the producers seemed to be scraping the bottom of the barrel to find new ways to try and humanize Oprah and boost ratings. I found it hard to believe that telling a little girl that her lips had been stung by bumble bees would empower her to become one of the most successful and richest women in history. I immediately deleted the episode and went back to more important programming like coverage of the Friends series finale.

It wasn't until the day I found out that Maggie had died that I realized just how spot on that episode had been. For Maggie had been my elegant lady who had filled my own empty heart with self-worth and love. It is no secret to many of you in this room that I didn't have the greatest upbringing. I lived in a world full of doubt, question and insecurity. Poverty of the worst kind, not only short on cash, but short on love. It was Maggie's inherent kindness that numbed my hurt.

It was the subtle things that Maggie did that taught me to be a better person. She taught me by example. Whether it be the time she took me to Tower Records and let me pick out a $5 pre-boob exposing Janet Jackson single, giving me a $20 bill to pay for it and letting me keep the change. Or having a dinner party with a house full of people and taking the time to pull me aside upstairs, away from the crowd, and asking me if everything was all right and how I was doing. Always asking me if I had written anything new for her to read, because she believed in my writing abilities. She believed in me. Simple gestures, lifetime affects. She was one of the first people I can remember in my life who recognized my childhood troubles. Who didn't think that I was just a rebellious teenager not getting along with my mother, but scratched beneath the surface to realize that I was emotionally not in a safe place. Perhaps in hindsight, she was seeing herself in me and rescuing me the way she had always craved to be rescued herself.

I have known Maggie my entire life. She was a pillar to my childhood. One of the few people I could count on to be reliable and consistent. She was more like a mother to me than my own. Her two daughters were what I had always imagined having sisters would be like. I still have my love for Bon Jovi all these years later because Jeannie made them out to be the coolest band ever, and what little boy doesn't want to be as cool as his big sister? She took us to see Lady and the Tramp when I was about 6. It is a memory so happy from my childhood that it is no surprise that it is still one of my all time favorite movies.

And Kim has always been so close to my heart, no matter how far distance or time keeps us apart, because although we had never discussed much, I always knew we were similar and it always gave me comfort in knowing I wasn't alone. It has made me proud knowing her the last twenty-some-odd years of my life. She inspires me still with her amazing husband and by being the best mom she knows how to be. A trait that she, without question, has learned from her own mother.

Maggie is a part of so many of my happiest childhood memories. Attending my school plays, graduation and any other milestone event that occurred for me, always cheering me on. She, Paul and Connie were the only people who could get my mother to spend the entire day making homemade Gnocchi or Ravioli. My mother's only requirement was that everyone be there and help. And so they would. Everyone would spend the entire day together in the kitchen. Laughing. Cooking. Drinking wine. That was what being a grown up was to me and I couldn't wait to become one. Every dinner party I throw today is upheld with Maggie's same standards, because that was the environment she created when she opened her home. Good food. Good laughter. Good times.

A story Maggie loved to tell was of the time I was about five and my mother had made two cheesecakes. One with blueberry topping, the other with strawberry. I was in charge of the strawberry. It rode in the car on my lap. I was so nervous as I carried it from the car to the porch. It was probably the most important task I had ever been given at that time. I made it all the way to the front door. My mother rang the doorbell. I stood there. "Don't drop the cheesecake", I could hear the voices in my head whispering. I stood there waiting, hanging onto the dish with my life. Maggie opened the door. There was no slow motion. In the blink of an eye, I had somehow missed the step and the cheesecake, strawberry topping and all went upside down and on the floor in the entry way. I was terrified inside. My mother would be furious. I was in trouble. I had ruined Maggie's fancy nice house and dinner party. I would be banned from ever coming back. Instead, Maggie just stood there and laughed. She laughed and laughed. And laughed every time she told that story for years later. Today is a day I would love to hear her tell it again. To hear her great, distinct laugh ringing in my ears.

I say that there is irony that we are here today, because Maggie felt she was in the way and not worthy, when in fact, she has touched me and all of us in this room with so much love and laughter, that I for one know that I have been and will always be forever changed by her grace, her heart and her kindness. And I can't wait to get on Oprah and tell her about my own lady who changed my life through words and understanding.